“This is the fast pace department”, they say.
“We get 50-60 calls a month” they say.
“It’s not always like this”, they say.
“It’s not normally this slow”, they say.
hmmm….I’m still waiting on that. :) All it’s been is S-L-O-W. Of course, part of me thinks about how that is a good thing cause that would mean people aren’t abusing or neglecting their children while the other part of me is overcome with boredom and wanting something to come up so I get can out of the office. I want to see the hard stuff. I want to hear the hard stuff. I’ve just barely scraped the surface of hearing it.
The people in the Unit I have been in for the last couple of weeks (really since I started at the beginning of January) are great! Though we may be low on the totem pole so to speak, they really have welcomed us in. There is only so much they can do as far as scheduling stuff. I truly understand that but that doesn’t mean that it’s still not really frustrating at the same time. More so this week I think than any time before. I want to go. I want to see. I want to hear.
I don’t want to sit in an office for 8 hours doing nothing or just reading case files or whatever else they can scrounge up for me to read. They do mean well, and I truly do understand, but it’s frustrating. That’s not what I’m there for, but I know that this is where I’m suppose to be. But yesterday I started trying to think about it differently.
I began thinking Monday night (I think it was) about how I wanted to find Jesus in the waiting. In the midst of the boredom and frustration and waiting to be able to go somewhere, anywhere I want to find Him. Yesterday, I came about the day with that mindset. I came up with a little chorus that I sang over and over in my heart to Jesus throughout the work day:
“I want to find You in the waiting
I want to find You in the stillness
I want to find You in the waiting
‘Cause it’s where You’ll meet with me”
I tried to keep my mind and eyes on Him. Praying. Wanting to find Him. Even in the moments where it got really frustrating, I kept singing it trying to keep this mindset.
Side note: When I was in the office alone, and I had my eyes closed, I started singing myself to sleep. lol!
It was still hard though. I started to write about this last night but then started thinking that it sounds good written down, but I don’t know how well my execution of this really was.
Today, I brought a book with me to have something to do (other than the reading they give me) for 8 hours (I figured I wouldn’t be going anywhere today either with the weather). The book I brought with me was Fields of the Fatherless. This is one of many books that I have started (a couple of years ago actually) and never finished. The book is about the orphan (amongst other things), the Church, and God’s heart toward the least of these. So, I read that book today. And for the first time in my 22 years I almost finished an entire book in 1 day. :o I actually got to the last chapter before it was time for me to go home. It really is a good book.
But honestly, I really enjoyed my day today. Still didn’t get to go anywhere (but I did get to be with a couple of kids today while the caseworker had a meeting with the parents). Nothing was really different today except for my mindset and the book I brought. Even in the moments of frustration, they weren’t as frustrating. I just kept reading my book- I was really in my own little world today. :) As I was reading it, I was thinking about something (it may have been during one of them slightly frustrating moments) and I thought: I’m finding Jesus today in the waiting by reading this book. And that would be the way I could describe my day. It’s almost difficult to explain, but it was great. So, now I’m on a journey of finding Jesus in the waiting.
This will be my last week in this Unit until March. Next week, I’ll begin the Foster Care Unit for a couple of weeks. That should be interesting! (I wonder if I’ll end up seeing any of the foster parents I know?:) It’ll be good to have a change and see something different. So, I guess we’ll see! :)