Sometimes we get so busy doing and being that we forget why we are doing it. Many of times, it is with that thing or that passion that God has stirred in you. You grab hold of this vision and dream that God has placed in your heart for something and you get all wrapped up in it but then forget the why behind the what. Lately, that has happened to me, but in a weird way I guess you could say.
To state in one sentence where my heart is would be summed up in saying: I am ruined for the plight of the Orphan. It is my heart. It’s what engulfs my mind every day. It’s always a hot topic of mine to talk about. I’m constantly reading articles and blog and videos and documentaries. Anytime in my social work classes when we have to write a paper or do a project, my first thought and question is “Can I do mine on the Orphan?” and a lot of the time I do. I burn for this. My heart is with the nations. There is this “go” in me that just wants to go to the hard places- to go to the orphanages, baby houses, institutions and love on these children, hold them, talk to them, sing to them, dance with them, share about Jesus with them, on and on. The more pictures and videos I watch the more I long to be at the places where I can actually tangibly touch them and not have to just dream about it. And yet I find myself stuck in a classroom…and spending hours studying, writing papers, working on powerpoint presentations, group projects. I find it hard to concentrate (esp as of late) on school work cause of thinking about the Orphan and finding different stuff to read or watch or working on stuff for the upcoming “Gathering of Orphan Advocates” event at Landmark Park.
And lately, things with my classes (one in particular) has really been constantly frustrating and stressful. I’m having difficulties in getting a paper done and there are some things that I’m running out of time on. Sometimes it feels like I’m going to need a miracle to get it done. That Jesus in His grace is going to have to make a way where there seems to be no way. But I know it will get done somehow.
Yesterday was a real coming back to why I am doing this. It was one of those things where I had thought briefly earlier (either that day or another I don’t remember when) about keeping this kids as vision and how it’s all for the kids. But Saturday night I sat down and wrote and reminded myself of the why behind the what.
Through all this frustration and stress, it was coming back to “why am I doing this?”….Why do I write these papers and sit in a classroom week after week? Why am I going through all this besides the obvious reasons?…I do it because of that little girl in a foreign orphanage who never gets held, goes to sleep without knowing love, who self-stimulates because no one takes the time to truly connect and interact with her. I remember those children who stopped crying because they learned that even if they cried, no one would answer them. No one would rescue them from their hunger for food or even for love. So they stopped crying. They lie on their backs staring at the ceiling. I remember those children in Africa who watched their parents die of AIDS and now have to fend for themselves digging through dumpsters and begging on the streets. Children literally dying of starvation and curable diseases. I remember those down syndrome children in Russia who are seen as useless, loveless, and unwanted. Their days to know a forever family, to know real love, and to know Father and Jesus are numbered.
It’s 147 million orphans. That’s 147 million faces. 147 million broken lives with traumatic life stories for their young age. 147 million of God’s favorites- dearly, deeply, and passionately loved by Father.
I realized (in a different heart-gripping way) that I have 147 million reasons to be doing what I am doing.
147 million Orphans…They are the why behind what I am doing.
After writing that blog post that night, it has changed something in me and given me fresh perspective. What amazes me is like I said in the beginning, I think about this nonstop, I’m a part of a ministry called Orphan Advocates, I constantly watch videos and read articles, constantly thinking about missions and going to nations to these different orphanages, and I could go on and on, and yet I still seemed to have lost that perspective in the midst of all the frustration and stress. In going through all these classes to graduate, I am constantly thinking about them and I can’t wait to graduate! It wasn’t that I had forgotten about them by no means, but I just lost sight that they are the “why”, they are the reason I am doing this. I don’t know if that really makes sense- thats why I said it’s kind of weird. Maybe it’s just fresh perspective and just having to take a few minutes to remember “why”. Maybe it was just Holy Spirit’s way of taking this passion deeper into me (engraining it deeper in my heart) and ruining me more for the plight of the Orphan (which seems to be what has been happening in the last week or so). But have thing perspective makes all the frustration and stress worth it and not seem so trying. I have whole new attitude toward all this now since I wrote that blog last night.
Still, the fact remains, sometimes we have to come back to a place in all the doing and being and remember the why behind what we are doing.
Sometimes school get a little stressful, a little overwhelming
Papers to write, tests to study for, projects to work on
Sometimes the time between now and the day of graduation
Seems to be approaching real slow, getting close but still so far away
But I must bring myself back to remember the “why” behind the “what”
Why am I going to school? Why am I going through all these social work classes?
Why am I trying to graduate with a bachelor’s in social work as soon as I can?
Why am I doing the day to days of homework besides the obvious?
And then I remember…
It’s for that little girl in Russia who doesn’t receive any kind of stimulation
She lies in her crib day in and day out…she cries and no one answers
She stops crying because she knows no one will come to rescue her
Rescue her from her hunger for food and for love or from this reality she knows as…life
It’s for that little boy who suffers from Down Syndrome
Thrown away to an orphanage, seen as an outcast
Looked upon as useless, loveless, and unwanted
His days of knowing love and a forever family are numbered
It’s for the little ones in Africa who watched their parents die of AIDS
Who now rummage through dumpsters for food and sleep in the dirt at night
You can see their bones, their bellies distended, walking around without hope
Literally dying of starvation and curable diseases
Moreover, dying without knowing real love, a family, and most of all the Father’s love for them
It’s for the 147 million orphans around the world
I have 147 million reasons to be doing what I am doing
My heart is with the nations longing to be in an orphanage holding a child, playing with them
Loving the loveless, bringing hope to the hopeless, and bringing Jesus to the forgotten
But I’m stuck here right now…in a classroom
Yet, this must be a door that will open more doors in the future
Resulting in lasting impact…even reaching into the realm of Eternity
The hours spent in a classroom, working on class projects, writing papers, studying for tests
It pales in comparison to the impact on each child’s ‘forever’
147 million orphans…They are the why behind what I am doing.